


Helping Zayn

by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Harm, self injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson/pseuds/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys are in an interview when Niall notices some cuts on Zayn's wrist. He decides he won't rest until he finds a way to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helping Zayn

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as a prompt fill on Tumblr.

The boys were in an interview, and Niall was sitting on the end of the large couch they were all seated upon, with Zayn sitting next to him. Zayn had been extra cuddly with all of the boys lately, always clinging to someone, and Niall found it to be rather endearing. Louis kept on joking that Zayn was on his period and he was one of those that always had to be snuggling something or else they'd yell until you bought them chocolate and watched sad films with them for the rest of the week.

So it wasn't like Niall was surprised when Zayn reached over to grab his hand, as he'd been doing things like that quite a bit recently, but he looked down nonetheless, some part of his brain wanting to check and make sure it was Zayn, and that's when Niall noticed it. Zayn's bracelets had ridden up his arm, revealing a small patch of his wrist that his jumper didn't cover, and there were red lines there. Some looking new, and some faded to a light pink. Some fleshy and scarred, and some raw and angry looking.

Niall looked up quickly, trying to hide the look in his eyes, not wanting the interviewer to ask questions. He engaged himself back in the conversation, laughing at some joke Louis made at the expense of Liam, and when he thought it was safe, he took a sneaky look at Zayn out of the corner of his eye. He was laughing, his eyes crinkled at the corners, smiling brightly. He looked the same as always. And yet he wasn't. He might be the same as he had always been, but there was something that Niall knew about him now that he hadn't before, and that changed everything.

This wasn't to say that Niall was going to treat Zayn any differently. He wasn't. Not at all. Because he knew a bit about these things, and he knew if he started treating him differently he might get worse. He couldn't baby him or ask him how he was doing all the time or follow him everywhere. But he also couldn't just let this go. Zayn was his best mate and he was worried about him. He couldn't let him keep hurting himself this way. He had to do something.

The interview ended shortly after, and the boys all thanked the interviewer for having them. Zayn let go of Niall's hand and went to jump on Liam's back, forcing him to give him a piggyback out to the car that was waiting for them.

They were driven back to the complex they all lived in, and Niall went to his flat, grabbing a beer out of his fridge and plopping down on the couch. He needed to talk to Zayn and find out what was wrong. He needed to help him somehow. But he didn't know what to do. Should he just ask him about it? Should he try and trick him into telling him? What was proper here?

He sipped at his beer, thinking all the while, and once he had finished it, he decided the best course of action was just to go to Zayn's and see what happened from there. Just let things proceed naturally.

He got up off the couch, tossing his beer bottle into the bin, and then made his way down to Zayn's flat. He knocked on the door a few times, and in seconds the door was opening.

"Hey, Niall." Zayn greeted with a smile. "What d'you need, mate?"

"Can I come in?" Niall asked, his voice sounding a bit shaky.

"'Course. You alright?"

Niall held back a humorless laugh, "Yeah." He nodded. "I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about."

They made their way into the living room now, sitting next to each other on Zayn's rather large sofa.

"Me?" Zayn asked, sounding confused. "Why? M'fine."

Niall took a deep breath, "I saw something. During the interview today. You reached over to grab my hand, and your bracelets had slipped up your arm and I-"

"Shit." Zayn muttered, resting his head in his hands. "Shit."

"Zayn, it's alright." Niall said, resting a hand on the other boy's back. "You don't-"

"It isn't alright, Niall!" Zayn yelled, and Niall retracted his hand quickly.

They sat there silent for a moment, Niall staring at the floor, afraid of looking at Zayn, not sure what he might find in his expression.

"I'm sorry I snapped." Zayn sighed, defeated. "Just...No one knows about this. Not even my mum."

"I'm not gonna tell." Niall said, looking back up and locking eyes with Zayn, seeing nothing but sadness and hurt there. "I just wanna help."

"You can't help, mate. It's not...You can't help."

"Like hell I can't." Niall said. "You're hurting and I'm not giving up until I've helped you."

Zayn shook his head, "I'm too far gone I'm afraid, mate."

"Whataya mean?" Niall asked, scooting a little closer to Zayn, so their sides were flush together. He wasn't sure why, but he just needed some contact with his best mate right now.

"Been doing this a long time. It's gotten to the point where I doubt I'll ever be better."

"You can always get better." Niall argued. "Don't you dare tell me you're not gonna get better because you are."

Zayn smiled, but it was a sad one, "I don't remember how not to do it, Niall."

Niall was desperate for some way to help his friend. He wanted him to be happy. He wanted him to be okay. He wanted him to be the person he'd always thought he was. He just needed to know why all of this had started.

"Tell me the story." Niall suggested. "Tell me all of it. Getting it off your chest will help, yeah?"

"I don't know..."

"C'mon. I'm here and I'm willing to listen. Y'know I won't judge ya. When have I ever been like that?"

"You really want to hear it?"

"I really do." Niall nodded.

"Okay." Zayn nodded. "Alright. You know I used to get bullied a bit when I was younger, yeah? Because of my ethnicity and all. Kids called me names, adults called me and my family names. It was...It was brutal, y'know? When I was young it just hurt because I knew that people didn't like me, but as I got older I learned what all of the names meant, and it was hard to take. I was thirteen the first time I...The first time I did it. I'd been at school and these kids had surrounded me. Told me I should just off myself because the world would be a better place without me."

Niall was sitting there in complete shock. How could children be so cruel? How could anyone be so cruel?

"So I was going to do it. Off myself. I took a little razor blade and I tried so hard, but I couldn't do it, Niall. I couldn't. But I made some little cuts and they felt nice and they eased my mind, and I knew I should feel guilty about it but I didn't, and I told myself it'd just be that once. That I'd never do it again. But kids kept bullying, as they do, and I needed something to make it all go away, even if just for a little bit. So I kept on doing it and doing it. And then the bullying stopped, and I was okay for a while. But cutting myself had become my natural reaction when I felt overwhelmed or upset, and so it came back eventually. I can't get rid of it. The urge to do it again is always there. I just need something to set me off."

"Zayn." Niall frowned, reaching out to hold Zayn's hand. "You should've told someone. Anyone. You need help, mate. You've gotta let me get you some help."

"I don't want everyone to think I'm crazy." Zayn shook his head, tears springing to his eyes.

"Hey, hey." Niall said, squeezing Zayn's hand. "No one's gonna think you're crazy. And if they do I'll give 'em a right punch in the stomach."

Zayn chuckled then, but his tears were streaming down his cheeks. Niall used his free hand to gently wipe the tears away, and that was when he felt it. The sudden urge to kiss the broken boy in front of him. But he couldn't. This wasn't the time nor the place and he was confused about it all. He'd told himself he wouldn't treat Zayn any differently, and kissing him would certainly be different.

"What kind of help?" Zayn asked, snapping Niall from his thoughts.

"Therapy." Niall told him. "You need therapy. We don't have to tell anyone, mate. Not even your mum. I'll go with ya, and I'll make sure you're okay. I'm making this my responsibility."

"I can't ask you to do that." Zayn said.

"You're not asking, though, are you? I'm insisting."

"Thank you, Niall." Zayn said, wrapping his arms around the Irish lad and placing his head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Niall said, kissing Zayn gently on the top of the head.

000

Three days later and Zayn was sitting in his flat, waiting for Niall to come and knock on his door. Zayn had told him he could get himself to therapy, but Niall had insisted upon driving him. He was really taking this whole 'taking responsibility' thing seriously. Zayn couldn't say he hated it, because really he liked that Niall cared so much. But it was also a wee bit annoying. He'd just have to deal with it, though.

Niall knocked on his door, and Zayn went to open it, heading straight outside.

"I passed Liam on the way here." Niall said, as they walked to his car. "Told him you and I were going shopping. He believed it, so you're in the clear."

"Thanks." Zayn smiled.

"It's no problem, really." Niall said, giving Zayn a squeeze on the shoulder.

Niall had been a bit more touchy feely than usual the past few days, and Zayn didn't know if it was because he was worried, or because he was trying to be comforting with the therapy session looming in the distance, or if it was for some other reason entirely. He was acting strange, but not strange in the sense that he thought Zayn was a freak for cutting himself. Strange in some other sense that Zayn couldn't quite place.

They drove to the therapist's office in silence, and when they arrived, Zayn was handed a very heavy pile of paperwork which he was to fill out before seeing the woman he'd be speaking to for the next hour.

He read the questions and scribbled away, his head beginning to hurt from all of the confusing questions on the papers. Once he had finally finished, he took the papers up to the woman at the desk, and she told him to have a seat, and that his therapist would be with him in a moment.

When his name was called, he got up, and Niall gave him a kiss on the cheek. He could feel himself blushing, which was silly. It wasn't like the he and the rest of the lads never kissed each other like that. It was a semi-normal occurrence between them.

And yet the blush stayed on his cheeks for nearly half of the hour he spent in the little room with his new therapist.

000

Zayn had been in there for what felt like ages, and Niall was anxious to see how things had gone. He got a bit of coffee from the pot that sat in the corner of the waiting room, and it was too bitter and it made him want to gag, but he drank it anyway, needing something to distract him from how worried he was about his friend.

He supposed he shouldn't be worried. This was therapy. This was a safe environment. Zayn would be okay.

When he finally came out of the little room he'd gone into, Niall rushed over to him, coming to stand next to him, and the woman smiled at him.

"You must be Niall." She said.

"Yeah." Niall nodded.

"You did a good thing getting Zayn to come to therapy. He's lucky he has such a good friend to be his support system."

Niall smiled, looking from Zayn to the woman, and then she was heading back into her little room, no doubt to get ready for her next patient. Zayn set up another appointment for the same time next week, and then they were leaving.

"How was it?" Niall asked.

"Better than expected. She's real nice. I was able to get a lot off my chest and she gave me some tips to help me when I want to hurt myself. Like, other things that I can do. One of them is to call you, so I hope it's alright if I do that. She said that having you around to talk to could be good for me, and I think she's right."

They climbed into the car and headed off to the flats as Niall answered, "Absolutely. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing. You call me and I'll answer. I'll be there for you."

"Thanks, Niall. For everything."

"I wish you'd stop thanking me." Niall said. "But you're welcome."

"My therapist is right, you know?" Zayn told him. "I am lucky to have you."

"Right back at you." Niall smiled.

When they got back to the flats, Niall invited Zayn over, and he agreed easily. They sat next to each other on his couch, and Zayn curled up to his side a bit, and Niall could feel his heart racing in his chest, and he really couldn't deny it anymore. His feelings for Zayn were changing, and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

"So you like your therapist?"

"Absolutely." Zayn said, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Niall's neck. "You smell nice."

"Thanks." Niall chuckled.

They stayed like that for a while, watching crap telly, and then Zayn decided he should probably be getting back to his own flat. Niall was reluctant to be left alone, having grown increasingly fond of Zayn's company, but he didn't want to keep him there.

He gave him a tight hug and told him to call if he needed him.

000

He didn't hear from Zayn for three days after that, aside from the occasional text to let him know that he was okay and that he was just busy.

It was three thirty in the morning when Niall was awakened by his phone ringing. At first he was going to silence it and then go back to sleep, but then he remembered the promise he'd made Zayn. He checked the caller ID, and sure enough, it was him. He answered quickly, his voice scratchy with sleep.

"H'lo."

"Sorry." Zayn said. "I should've known you'd be sleeping, Niall. I'm sorry."

"No, no. Hey." Niall said. "It's fine. Are you okay?"

"No." Zayn said, and Niall could hear the tears in his voice. "Nothing bad even happened today, Niall. I just...I want to do it. I want to do it so badly, I don't-"

"Shh." Niall hushed. "D'you want me to come over? I can be over in two minutes."

"Would you?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah. I'll be right there. Stay on the phone with me."

"Niall, I'm scared. This is the first time I've ever tried to stop myself and I don't know if I can. I'm so scared that I'll...What if I do it anyway?"

"You won't." Niall told him, throwing on a pair of slippers and running out of his flat in his pajamas, making his way over to Zayn's. "I'm gonna be there."

"Okay." Zayn mumbled, and then Niall reached his door, knocking on it softly.

The door opened, and there Zayn stood, his eyes red rimmed and traces of tears on his cheeks. They both hung up their phones, and Zayn pulled Niall into a hug, squeezing him tightly as if he never wanted to let go.

"Thank you for coming."

"Do not thank me." Niall said, holding Zayn tighter. "Absolutely do not."

They let go of each other and Niall closed the door behind him, coming into the house. He noticed then that Zayn wasn't wearing his jumper or any of his many bracelets and all of his scars were in view. Niall took a careful look, and there were a lot of them. Too many, for Niall's taste. Although, really, one would have been too many for Niall's taste.

They moved over to sit down on the couch, and Zayn snuggled up to Niall's side, wrapping his arms around him tightly, and Niall began to run his hands through Zayn's hair, hoping to sooth him. Zayn sighed happily and nestled in closer, and Niall smiled a little bit.

"You alright now?" Niall asked.

Zayn nodded, "Yeah, now that you're here. I mean...I still want to do it. It doesn't just go away so easily. But I know I couldn't. Not with you here."

"Good."

"Just...Keep holding me, yeah? I just...I need you to."

Niall felt tears prickling in his eyes, and he nodded, squeezing Zayn tightly in his arms as Zayn rested his head on Niall's shoulder. Niall rested his hand atop Zayn's and allowed his fingers to play idly with the hem of Zayn's shirt, rubbing soothing circles into Zayn's side and humming an unknown tune.

Suddenly, Zayn sat up, and Niall was certain something was wrong. But he simply turned to face him, taking both of the Irish lad's hands into his and smiling a little smile that seemed almost nervous.

"Hey, Niall?" He asked, looking down at their joined hands.

"Hmm?"

"Can I...Would you mind if maybe I kissed you?"

Niall bit his lip. Had he really asked that? The obvious answer was that no, he wouldn't mind at all. But there was a part of him that wondered if Zayn only wanted to kiss him to gain a bit more comfort. That maybe there were no feelings there on his part, like there were on Niall's. He agreed nonetheless, wanting Zayn to be as happy and comfortable as possible in that moment.

Zayn leaned forward slowly, connecting his lips with Niall's gently and moving them just the slightest bit. The kiss was slow and gentle, and Niall felt immensely comforted, and he hoped Zayn felt the same.

When the dark haired boy pulled back, he was smiling, and Niall couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

Zayn yawned, "M'tired. Wanna go to sleep."

"Okay." Niall nodded. "Want me to leave then?"

"No." Zayn shook his head quickly. "No, would you stay? Please?"

"Of course." Niall told him.

"Would you stay in my bed with me? You don't have to if that'd be weird or-"

"Hush." Niall said, stopping his ramblings. "It's fine. Whatever you want, Zayn."

"Okay." Zayn nodded.

They made their way to Zayn's room, and they curled up underneath the covers together. Niall kept his distance, not wanting to make Zayn uncomfortable. But when the other boy scooted close to him, he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around his waist, and Zayn sighed, seemingly content.

000

When Niall awoke the next morning, he was greeted by a beautiful pair of eyes staring into his own. Before he knew what was happening, Zayn was leaning in and kissing him gently. Niall gasped slightly in shock, and Zayn pulled away quickly.

"Sorry!" He said. "I don't know why I...Sorry."

"No no no." Niall said, reaching out and taking Zayn's face between his hands. "It's fine. I just wasn't expecting it."

"You're sure you don't mind?" Zayn asked.

"Positive." Niall said, leaning forward and pecking Zayn on the lips to show he was telling the truth. He felt happy little sparks running up his spine at the contact.

"Okay." Zayn nodded.

000

They spent much of the next few weeks together, and Zayn was feeling happier than he had in ages. He and Niall would kiss sometimes, but he still wasn't sure if Niall was just humoring him or if there was something more there. Did Niall have feelings for him, too? Or was he just allowing Zayn to kiss him to keep him safe and content?

His therapy was going quite well, too, and he found himself understanding what he needed to do to get better, and he was really trying his hardest.

That's why it was a shock, even to himself, when he showed up at Niall's door at two in the morning one night with a rather deep gash in his forearm.

"Don't freak out!" Zayn pleaded as soon as Niall opened the door.

"Oh, Zayn." Niall said, bringing him inside and into the bathroom.

"I'm sorry." Zayn said, hot tears forming in his eyes and slowly sneaking their way down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"Zayn, don't apologize. I know it's hard. You're still doing so well. Don't beat yourself up about it." Niall said, cleaning off the wound and bandaging it up. "You're stayin' with me tonight."

Zayn had rather hoped he would say that. He didn't want to be alone.

Niall hugged him tightly and then brought him out to the living room, sitting him down on the sofa and making them both some tea. While the tea was being made, Zayn turned on the telly, and when Niall came back into the room he snuggled up to his side, and Niall easily wrapped an arm around him. Zayn sipped at his tea and they watched the telly together until they were both too tired to keep their eyes open.

They got up and walked to Niall's room, snuggling under the covers, and Niall held Zayn close. Zayn smiled, because generally he had to initiate any and all contact between them, but tonight Niall had pulled him close and wrapped him up in his warm arms.

As Zayn was drifting off to sleep, he heard Niall mutter, "Love you so much, Zayn."

His heart stopped. That didn't sound like a friendly confession of love. Like two mates who really loved each other. It sounded like maybe, just maybe, Niall returned the feelings that had been growing in Zayn's own heart for the Irish lad. He turned around in his arms, but Niall was fast asleep. Zayn sighed, resting his head against the pillow and falling asleep with racing thoughts.

000

The next morning when Zayn woke up he was still wrapped tightly in Niall's hold, which meant that Niall was still asleep. Good. This gave him a bit of time to think.

Niall had definitely, definitely said that he loved him last night, but he'd already been asleep. So what did that mean? Did he actually feel that way, or was he just spewing random words and sentiments in his sleep?

Zayn would just have to ask him.

Niall grumbled slightly behind him, moving around a bit, waking up.

"Niall?" Zayn asked, turning 'round to face the Irish lad.

"Hm?" Niall hummed, eyes still closed, but obviously awake.

"Good morning." Zayn said softly.

"Mornin'." Niall smiled, eyes opening slowly.

"So." Zayn began, not sure how to say this. "You said something in your sleep last night."

"Shit, what was it? I hope it wasn't embarrassing. Did I fuckin' ask me mum if I-"

"No." Zayn cut him off. "It wasn't about your mum."

"Oh." Niall said, sounding relieved.

"You, um. You said that you loved me, Niall."

"Oh." Niall replied, sounding much less relieved than before.

"Was that just sleep talking nonsense, or, um. Or?"

"It wasn't." Niall said, so quietly that Zayn could barely hear him. "Just sleep talking nonsense, I mean."

"So...You meant it then?"

Niall bit his lip, nodding.

"Good." Zayn sighed, relief and elation washing over him.

"Good?"

"Yeah." Zayn nodded, leaning in and kissing him quickly. "I love you, too." He said quickly, afraid of saying the words, lest Niall should take his back, laughing that it was all a joke.

"Yeah?" Niall asked, a grin spreading across his face.

"Yeah." Zayn nodded.

Niall kissed him then, and slowly the kiss turned into a full on snog as Niall brought his hand up to cup Zayn's cheek, and Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall's neck, bringing his tongue out to explore the inside of the other lad's mouth. They pulled away after a few minutes, both grinning like idiots, and Niall ran his thumb gently over Zayn's cheek.

"I love you." Zayn whispered.

"I love you." Niall grinned.

000

Six months passed, and Niall and Zayn had only fallen more and more in love over time. They'd come out to the boys and their own families a month or so after they'd first gotten together, and everyone had been insanely supportive.

Niall was still the only one who knew about Zayn's cutting, and Zayn planned to keep it that way for a while longer. Someday he'd tell everyone, though.

He'd had a few more slip-ups over the months, but with the help of Niall and his therapist he'd come back stronger than ever every single time.

He and Niall had their own house now, and living together was...Interesting, to say the least. He'd been on his own for so long, and having people over every day was different from actually living with someone. But even if he and Niall got in little spats sometimes (which they did), they still loved each other, and Zayn knew that everything was going to be alright.

It was all still a struggle. Everything in life was a struggle. But with Niall by his side, he knew he would make it through.


End file.
